Am I often morose and rarely happy?
I had an interesting conversation to day with a cyber-gamer, with regards to the recently finished World Cyber Games 2005 Grand Finals that was held in Singapore. He was telling me of another gamer that I know, a young 17 year old competing in his first ever WCG world finals. Said gamer had the opportunity to play one of his matches on stage, with a live worldwide TV audience watching... and he proceeded to 'trash talk' his opponent with taunts.. vulgar taunts... lucky, he was using l337speak, or he would have been disqualified!
I raised this topic up, because in real life, the gamer in question is a very mild mannered 17 year old kid, rather quiet and shy. It's his online, gaming persona that's really quite aggressive and 'loud'. He's not the only one... the case of a similarly aged blogger in Singapore who was found guilty of posting racists comments is a case in point.
We are often not whom we seem to be.
Does this apply to me?
I noticed that I tend to blog negatively. All my stuff is at the minimum pensive and meloncholic, and sometimes down right depressing. Truth is. I feel that Iam rather a bleak person, with really not that much to look forwards to in life. I think I tend to try and camoflauge my morosity (is that a new word i just invented?) with false cheer, but inside my defalut setting is depressed. Probably why I sometimes use an image of Marvin the Depressed Android from Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy as my IM avatar...
Sigh. Live is... well, could be a lot worse, but is seriously not optimum or even near what I'd regard as equilibrium at the moment. My preannual depression over a lack of meaningful relationship has once again stricken me.
Partly, it's due to both my brothers getting married within one year. Partly its due to lots of friends having babies. I want children. I know I'd make a great father, but I guess women don't think I'd make a good husband in the first place.
I'm like the featherless, most unattractive peacock in the flock.
I just don't get it with relationships. It's been years since my last one, and I guess I seriously must resign myself to a life without significant companionship. Funny, I don't think I'm fussy or impractical in what I'm looking for in a relationship. More than likely, I think its my personality and 'marketability'. Women like me as a friend, but just don't find me attractive or relationship material...
Ah.. screw it. I won't bother at all from this point on. No use fighting it.
I raised this topic up, because in real life, the gamer in question is a very mild mannered 17 year old kid, rather quiet and shy. It's his online, gaming persona that's really quite aggressive and 'loud'. He's not the only one... the case of a similarly aged blogger in Singapore who was found guilty of posting racists comments is a case in point.
We are often not whom we seem to be.
Does this apply to me?
I noticed that I tend to blog negatively. All my stuff is at the minimum pensive and meloncholic, and sometimes down right depressing. Truth is. I feel that Iam rather a bleak person, with really not that much to look forwards to in life. I think I tend to try and camoflauge my morosity (is that a new word i just invented?) with false cheer, but inside my defalut setting is depressed. Probably why I sometimes use an image of Marvin the Depressed Android from Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy as my IM avatar...
Sigh. Live is... well, could be a lot worse, but is seriously not optimum or even near what I'd regard as equilibrium at the moment. My preannual depression over a lack of meaningful relationship has once again stricken me.
Partly, it's due to both my brothers getting married within one year. Partly its due to lots of friends having babies. I want children. I know I'd make a great father, but I guess women don't think I'd make a good husband in the first place.
I'm like the featherless, most unattractive peacock in the flock.
I just don't get it with relationships. It's been years since my last one, and I guess I seriously must resign myself to a life without significant companionship. Funny, I don't think I'm fussy or impractical in what I'm looking for in a relationship. More than likely, I think its my personality and 'marketability'. Women like me as a friend, but just don't find me attractive or relationship material...
Ah.. screw it. I won't bother at all from this point on. No use fighting it.
posted by shawncentric at 1:24 am
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