Hello old friend, goodbye.
One of the most precious 'commodities' that I treasue in my life is the friends that I make. I simply have lost too many friends over the years through lost of contact. Thankfully, only some have passed on, but each time that happens, it really hurts.
Life is like that, after all, you make friends, you lose friends. For me, spending my time overseas studying and switching schools on average of every four years (and in different countries too!) means that I don't know what happened to my primary school friends, my secondary school friends (except for 1 whom I ran into who's now in PR.. so I get press releases from him!), Army buddies, university buddies... all kinda gone their own way.
Most are married with children now, and I'm rarely a part of their lives. Even my best friend has married and moved on. I kinda feel like I'm stuck in a time warp while everyone else is moving on with their lives and loves.
Today I caught up with someone I've known for about 6 years. She's married and moved to Sweden, and this was the first time I've seen her in a year. And I only got to spend about an hour and a half with her, as she's only in town for 3 weeks, and her time is simply packed with catching up with all her other friends and relatives.
Well. At least I caught up with her, and we did enjoy reaffirming our friendship.
That also brings up something that's been bothering me for three months. Another friend, whom I've known for ten years, popped back into my life 5 months ago after disappearing for a year to do her Masters. When we caught up again, I just felt very comfortable with her, like it was only a few days since we last saw each other.
And I thought that there was something building between us, not saying romantic (although I had a hope), but more of a closeness. Both of us have our emotional baggage, but it felt really good when I not only had somebody who'd listen to my troubles, but someone who also felt that the advice and opinions I gave her on her problems were valuable and insightful.
Well.. I have a bit of experience with Depression.
But then things just went apart. She stopped answering my calls, and it felt to me like she was avoiding me. I still don't know if I got too close, and she decided that she couldn't deal with me on an emotional level, or whether I said or did something wrong (being a Guy, I reckon the odds of pissing off a Woman by accidently saying or doing something is HIGH).
A part of me wanted to keep calling her until she's actually speak to me (at least more than "I'm busy, I'll call you back" -there were never any call-backs). The pessimistic part of me, however, decided that I'd rather not be a nusicance and a pest, so I deleted all her contact info from my phone, with hope that she'll call me like she promised.
End result? No calls in three months, and a hurried "I'm sorry, I handled things badly, It's me not you, I'll call you soon" email two months ago - again no phone call, or subsequent emails.
*sigh* Whatever the reasons. I really hate losing friends. :'(
Life is like that, after all, you make friends, you lose friends. For me, spending my time overseas studying and switching schools on average of every four years (and in different countries too!) means that I don't know what happened to my primary school friends, my secondary school friends (except for 1 whom I ran into who's now in PR.. so I get press releases from him!), Army buddies, university buddies... all kinda gone their own way.
Most are married with children now, and I'm rarely a part of their lives. Even my best friend has married and moved on. I kinda feel like I'm stuck in a time warp while everyone else is moving on with their lives and loves.
Today I caught up with someone I've known for about 6 years. She's married and moved to Sweden, and this was the first time I've seen her in a year. And I only got to spend about an hour and a half with her, as she's only in town for 3 weeks, and her time is simply packed with catching up with all her other friends and relatives.
Well. At least I caught up with her, and we did enjoy reaffirming our friendship.
That also brings up something that's been bothering me for three months. Another friend, whom I've known for ten years, popped back into my life 5 months ago after disappearing for a year to do her Masters. When we caught up again, I just felt very comfortable with her, like it was only a few days since we last saw each other.
And I thought that there was something building between us, not saying romantic (although I had a hope), but more of a closeness. Both of us have our emotional baggage, but it felt really good when I not only had somebody who'd listen to my troubles, but someone who also felt that the advice and opinions I gave her on her problems were valuable and insightful.
Well.. I have a bit of experience with Depression.
But then things just went apart. She stopped answering my calls, and it felt to me like she was avoiding me. I still don't know if I got too close, and she decided that she couldn't deal with me on an emotional level, or whether I said or did something wrong (being a Guy, I reckon the odds of pissing off a Woman by accidently saying or doing something is HIGH).
A part of me wanted to keep calling her until she's actually speak to me (at least more than "I'm busy, I'll call you back" -there were never any call-backs). The pessimistic part of me, however, decided that I'd rather not be a nusicance and a pest, so I deleted all her contact info from my phone, with hope that she'll call me like she promised.
End result? No calls in three months, and a hurried "I'm sorry, I handled things badly, It's me not you, I'll call you soon" email two months ago - again no phone call, or subsequent emails.
*sigh* Whatever the reasons. I really hate losing friends. :'(
posted by shawncentric at 1:20 am
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